A Day with Alice Cooper

I’ve spent the entire day with the lyrics to the classic Alice Cooper song, “School’s Out for Summer!” running through my head. I even went so far as to sing a few bars to parents as I walked my students, their kids, to the doors this afternoon.

However, based on the semi-polite chuckles I received from frantic parents, I’m forced to conclude that these parents know all too well what they are in store for. (Although, I must admit it could have been the sound of me singing, just ask Real Live Preacher)

I won’t be thinking about, let alone setting foot in school until sometime in mid August.

So for me, School truly is out for summer, but for some of these parents...I think it’s just beginning.

Food Talk

I learned a way to talk to food,

It’s quite a handy trick
I learn before I ever eat,
Which foods will make me sick

The other day my sandwich said,
On him I should not dine
I gave him to my brother,
He got sick, but I felt fine

It seems the different kinds of foods,
Don’t always get along
The veggies feel the fruits and nuts,
Have flavors that are wrong

The apples, peaches and the pears,
Are better, so they feel
Than ones like the banana,
Who have to lose their peel

And then there is the candy,
They’re despised by all the rest,
They think they’re high and mighty,
Just cause kids like them best

I’ve discovered that you cannot trust,
The different kinds the meat,
They’ll tell you something bad is safe,
And chuckle while you eat

The dairy products think they’re great,
The others don’t see how,
That people ever stand to eat,
What comes out of a cow

And then there are the beverages,
They fight the worst you know,
It seems they all compare themselves,
To one called H2O

I don’t know why they talk to me,
Sometimes my nerves they strain,
But conversation’s bound to come,
With every hunger pain

Signs of Aging

In November I turned 40 and I wrote about it here. For me, turning 40 wasn’t all that big of a deal. I mean one day you’re 39 and then you’re one day older, but you are supposed to feel really different. I think birthdays are all a mind game.

There are signs of getting older. Signs that we look forward to and embrace with open arms. A child’s first steps, or beginning school, or graduating high school, or getting married, these are all signs that we enjoy and are truly delightful to experience.

Oh, but there are signs of aging. Signs that jump right in your face. Screaming signs that are harsh reminders that Mother Nature is not on your side. These signs force us to face the truth, whatever that truth may be.

I recently had not one, but two signs of aging.

I had to change doctors. My previous doctor was about a 45-minute drive from my house and school and even though I really liked Dr. Cook, going to see him made being sick even harder than it already was. So on the suggestion of my wife, who works at the hospital, I decided to go see Dr. Wooley.

· Sign of aging #1

My first sign of aging has nothing to do with my health, but rather my doctor. Dr. Wooley and I really hit it off. He is very personable and on my initial visit he sat down and we talked all about me. I told him all about my closed head injury and he asked all the appropriate questions.

He saw my school name badge, on which I’ve pasted a picture of Darth Vader over my picture, and we had a brief, but thorough discussion about the new Star Wars movie. His diagnosis…a simple sinus infection, for which he gave me enough sample medication to keep me from going to the pharmacy, and I was out the door.

However, the whole time I was in there with the doctor something seemed odd or different. Just something I couldn’t put my finger on. It wasn’t until about an hour later that I realized the source of my quandary. You see, for the first time in my life I’m being seen by a doctor who is younger than I am. He may not be much younger, but all the same, he is younger.

That was Monday, and I walked out of his office feeling much, much older and a little more feeble than I did walked I went in.

· Sign of aging #2

Three days later, I’m past my depression about Dr. Wooley’s apparent youth, when I had an appointment with yet another doctor, this time the eye doctor.

I think it was Bill Cosby who said that you know you’re old when you begin to tell what day it is by which doctor you went to. I’m beginning to feel like that’s true.

At the completion of my eye exam, Dr. Uzick says, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”

That’s never good.

And he continued, “The good news is your eyes haven’t changed all that much since your last visit. The bad news is I can tell that in a few years you are going to need bifocals.”

“BIFOCALS??? You have got to be kidding,” was my stuttering reply.

He said that right now I’m doing okay, but he can tell that someday I’m going to need them. Turns out he learned long ago that it is better to start preparing patients well in advance of when they will actually need things like bifocals.

So there you have it. Like it or not I’m getting older. I can tell I am because the youth of America are becoming doctors and some of my parts are beginning to wear out.

To date I’ve only recognized two of these signs…but I’ll keep you posted.