I have some students in my class who live in half million-dollar homes, get everything their little hearts desire and basically want for nothing. We return to school after the Christmas break (OOPS! I meant to say, “holiday break”)and they have loads of new stuff to show off and exciting tales of amazing trips to talk about.
If that were the case with 100% of my students then we’d come back from the break and all would be well with the world.
However, the percentage of my students who live in the above-mentioned situation, albeit high, is nowhere near 100.
I also have some students in my class who live in government-subsidized housing. These students get far less than what they desire/need. Basically, they want for everything. Sometimes even food.
This is one reason coming back to school after the break is emotionally hard for me. I enjoy seeing the students and I even enjoy hitting the books again. However, what I don’t enjoy is the new awareness. The new and painful understanding I see on small faces. I believe that it is in 3rd and 4th grade when these young minds first see the difference. Innocent eyes are opened to the harsh truth that it may be 2011, but we’re living in a class system.
Sadly, the veil between these two dramatically different worlds usually falls first for the less fortunate. They get a peek into an existence they can’t hope to understand. They see, possibly for the first time, that some kids don’t just have more they have A LOT more.
The differences are subtle, but detectable. They don’t really matter, but they make a difference. They’re faint, yet all too easily seen.
It isn’t about children who are happy or sad. It isn’t about home lives that are healthy or dysfunctional. And it certainly isn’t about academic success. It’s about how much you have and how much you don’t have.
So who are the “Haves” and who are the “Have-Nots”?
I’ve known for quite a while… but my students are about to become aware for the first time.
And for some it’s all too painful.
8 comments:
Thanks Hugh. Very thoughtful. And heart rending. Reminds me of a Christmas in Livingston when you and I were young boys. There was a wealthy family in town, well known in the way that only small town wealthy could be. To have their last name meant a life of prestige and privilege.
We were visiting the Baptist church in town and one of the sons of that family was in my Sunday School class. He began telling everyone what he had gotten for Christmas a few days earlier. And it made our humble Christmas look pretty, well, humble.
It was years before I could understand that you can't find the happiness of Christmas by counting gifts under the tree. As a small boy I only knew that some people had a lot and others not so much.
Of course our Christmas would have seemed princely to many other children.
I hear ya!
It's interesting to ponder what the right mix of experience might be along these lines. I still consider it a blessing to have gone to the "poor" elementary school growing up. While it stinks to have to put up with the pain of realization, there's almost an even sadder thing that happens when kids grow up with no clue - because they get everything. That epitomizes what seems to be eating away at our culture.
Regardless of how you look at it, it's definitely a painful process. The real pivotal part seems to hinge on whether or not envy dominates the process. Obviously, how kids react (with envy or not) can easily drive their attitudes for the rest of their life.
Hang in there Hugh. I'll pray that you can find some teachable moments that sidestep pity and preachiness.
Thanks for the posting!
My grandkids are among the have-nots. They are not extremely poor but their parents are barely making ends meet and 'what they got for Christmas ' is nowhere near what their classmates got. If I had the means I'd buy them everything.... but I don't so how do I as a grandparent help them cope? By trying to give them rich memories of love and family. But how can I help those that u speak of? How do we empower the have note? Surely there's a way...
In my sophomore year in high school I had a friend whose large family was truly impoverished. His lunch often consisted of whatever they could harvest from their backyard garden. I had never known anyone in that situation before, or if I did, I wasn't aware of it.
We were a military family of six, and in no way wealthy, but since I had spent most of my time among other military families, the children I went to school with were always on a level playing field. This was the first time I had lived among civilian families and I was confused and upset about the way the other kids treated my friend because of his family's poverty. I had no idea people treated each other this way!
It broke my heart the day my friend was disciplined because he was not prepared for class. He did not have the copybook we had been instructed to bring. He confided to me that his parents didn't have the money to buy it. I wish the adult me could go back in time and fix that.
I will pray for your students, Hugh.
In response to Debbie and Lisa, I don't know how to fix it, or if fixing it is even possible. There are are always going to be haves and have-nots. I gave up a long time ago trying to shield the "have-not" students in my class from seeing the difference. It's like trying to stop the rain from hitting the ground. You may keep one small spot dry for a while, but eventually it's going to get wet.
thanks to RLP I found your blog. been reading your older stuff - you haven't changed in the 32 years I've know you - Hugh is Hugh!!
- j dry
thinking of you tomorrow
m i georgetown
Thank you for this insight. I'm an education major who is student teaching the third grade. Being new to this grade level I've been busy with my own thoughts and plans. Reading this gave me a wake up call to the problems this can cause. Like you, I don't know how (or if) to fix it. Being more aware is something.
-Annah-
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