I'm Hugh aka Marlin Perkins

In case you weren’t around in the late 1960’s or early 1970’s, Marlin Perkins was the host of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. Marlin knew everything there was to know about animals. Or at least his teleprompter did. Whether he was truly an animal expert, or he simply did a good job reading the cue cards, every Sunday evening he would bring a “Wild Kingdom” right into your living room. Yep, when I was a boy, the name Marlin Perkins was synonymous with African animals.

Our house backs up to a wooded area plus a body of water of some kind. I‘m not sure if it’s a creek, or a pond, but it’s some kind of at least semi-natural body of water. I guess it’s my own, somewhat slightly less, wild kingdom.

There are four or five of these creek/pond bodies of water in my neighborhood and about 1/3 of the houses, like mine, back up to them. Most of the houses that back up to these creeks have backyards that are landscaped right down to the water. Some even have little docks with paddleboats and there are fountains out in the middle of the water. For some reason, ours is the only one where there are woods between the water and the back fences of the houses. Maybe that’s to blame.

I’m not sure why, but for the last few weeks we have been inundated with wildlife of one kind or another.

I wrote about my snake adventure, but what I failed to mention was that the snake I killed was actually the second snake I found on my sun porch. The first one was much smarter and took off as soon as I opened the door.

Last August, I wrote about finding two baby opossums in my grill. I chased them off, but I’ve had two more opossum sightings in the last week.

We’ve also had an armadillo as well as a raccoon marching around in the yard. Top it all off with me finding a turtle in my pool last night. He was only about as big around as a baseball, so I snagged him in my pool net and slid him under the fence.

We’ve only lived in this house for a little over a year, but I’m beginning to feel a bit like I’m trapped in one of the lost episodes of Wild Kingdom. I half expect Marlin Perkins to knock on the door with a microphone and begin recording:

“Here at the Atkinson household you have to walk carefully and keep your eyes peeled. Up ahead in the foliage we can detect the distinct territorial marking behaviors of Didelphis virginiana, more commonly known as North American opossum. A marsupial, the opossum has been around for about 70-80 million years, which makes it one of the oldest surviving mammals. While not commonly considered dangerous, it can be quite fierce when cornered.”

I’ll keep you posted on any future Wild Kingdom adventures I happen to have.

Super Post-Man

This morning I realize that I hadn't posted anything in over a month, then I post not one, but two things on the same day!

All I can say is, "I'm not sure what got into me, but don't get used to it!"

Hugh

SNAKE!!!

He was brave; I’ll give him that. Brave and stupid!

So I tried to put myself in his shoes, so to speak…

“I’m laying there, minding my own business, when one of those giant, four limbed creatures heads right at me with some sort of long stick thing that has what looks like grass or hay sticking straight out of the end. (For Keith: It’s a broom!) He starts poking and hitting me with the grass end.

At this point I’ve got several options.”

1. I can stay put and hope the giant goes away

2. I can make a run for it and try to get off of this little sun porch thing

3. I can move behind something big, coil up and hide

4. I can rush towards the big creature and try to confuse it.

It is at this point at which my ability to mimic the self-preservation habits of a snake goes woefully astray. For you see, were I a snake, my first instinct would be to flee. Head for the hills. Get the heck out of Dodge.

However, not for our little legless friend. Oh no, he charges straight towards me. Well, kind of squiggly straight, but at me all the same.

So he charges ahead, but I hold my ground. That is until Melissa and Macy start screaming for me to shut the door. Truth be known, I thought I had him, but my sudden retreat gave him a boost of confidence. That’s when he coiled up and hunkered down. I decided to go outside and come in the same door that he had used to get onto the porch. Then I could chase him off he porch without any chance of him actually getting into the house.

I carefully sneak around through the backyard and enter the sun porch. Then, using the broom to keep a healthy distance between the two of us, (At this point I’m pretty sure he’s not venomous, but I’m no snake expert, so he could have been) I start to usher him towards the now wide open door. I’m urging him toward the door when all of a sudden I hear a hissing sound from behind me.

Understandably startled, I spun around half expecting to see Melissa and Macy laughing at me through the window. However, they hadn’t moved. That’s when I remembered the air freshener we have out there. It’s on a timer and sprays a small mist every 30 minutes. But when you’re chasing a snake and then suddenly get the feeling that they’ve got you surrounded, a chill runs up your spine.

Cursing the air freshener, I returned to my snake relocation duties. After finally getting him outside, I jokingly turn to Melissa, point to the snake and pretend to cut my throat with my finger. Knowing full well that my animal rights activist wife would in no way want this poor snake to be harmed.

Much to my surprise, she vigorously begins nodding her head in agreement. I’m not sure why she had this sudden change of heart. Maybe it was the fact that it was a snake. Maybe it was the fact the he had broken her unwritten law and actually come into our house. (If only on the sun porch) Maybe it was the fact the Melissa had crossed back over from the dark side and now believes that snakes are bad. Whatever the reason, the death penalty was back on the table, and I was the executioner.

Being the true man’s man that I am, I rushed to the garage, grabbed a hoe and trudged off to kill the dangerous beast and protect my family.

I think being chased around a sun porch and then shoveled out the door with a broom had tuckered out my scaly opponent. By the time I got back with the hoe he was moving off towards the grass, so I glanced back to see if the governor was going to step in and give him a stay of execution for his trespassing crimes.

But clemency was not to be. Both of my ladies were jumping up and down screaming, “KILL HIM! KILL HIM!”

It took three blows to finally slay the beast. Oh, and they were powerful blows. Not accurate, but powerful all the same. And what difference does accuracy make when you’re dealing with such extreme raw power?

When it was all said and done, I scooped up the still twitching body of my opponent, posed for a victory photo, threw him over the fence and then washed the blood off the porch.

Yes, Mother Nature was angry that that day, and it was not only my job to tame her wildness, but also to send a stern warning to her slithering allies.

“Stay off the sun porch, or you’ll meet the business end of a farm tool!”

** Disclaimer: I realize that the snake doesn't look all that large in the photo, but the lighting and the camera angle both make him appear much smaller than he actually was... Trust me, he was HUGE!

The Beauty That Is Sky Ranch

Sky Ranch is a Christian camp that has been around for years. It’s in Van Texas, a thriving metropolis with pert-near 1,000 residents, that’s only about 100 miles due east of Dallas. Not being from North Texas, I had never heard of either Sky Ranch or Van Texas. Not until 1987.

I was a senior in college, when a friend of mine talked me into applying for a summer camp counselor position at Sky Ranch. And so began my infatuation with this amazing place.

The summer of 1987 was a magical time. I had a blast as a counselor, and I learned a lot about who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. I also happened to meet the young lady who would, a mere year and a half later, become Mrs. Atkinson.

However, that was 23 years ago, and today, I picked my daughter up after she spent a week at Sky Ranch as a camper. She has been a camper at Sky Ranch before, but it was five or six years ago. And back then she simply went to Sky Ranch…the regular camp. This time she went to “Quest.”

Quest is a weeklong experience where they have the time of their lives doing all kinds of fun activities, but they also have at least four bible study times each day. They go to have fun, but also to explore what they believe about God and why. The counselors are a bit older than the regular Sky Ranch counselors, and my impression was a bit more grounded and confident in their own walk with the Lord. At least that was my impression after talking with them for a few minutes.

We hadn’t been there long when we met her counselor. She immediately begins telling us what a blessing it has been to spend the week with Macy. As well as how much she has learned from our daughter. She got tears in her eyes as she told us about our daughter.

I’m fighting back tears, (I actually did a pretty good job this time!) but she goes on and on with story after story about Macy and what an amazing girl she is. I’ve thought that for years, but come on isn’t thinking YOUR daughter is the greatest girl in the world, just part of being a father?

We found Macy standing in a crowd of teenagers all tearfully saying goodbye, and then it happened. One by one, each of the counselors and several of her fellow campers came up and just gushed about what a special person Macy is and what a blessing it had been to have Macy at camp this week.

After having been a Sky Ranch counselor, even if so very long ago, I know that when parents arrive what they need to hear is that their child is special and wonderful. Counselors look for whatever they can to brag about to make that child’s parents feel proud. But this was different…this was from the heart. These counselors and fellow campers recognized in Macy a quality that sets her apart. It is a quality that’s hard to define, but a pleasure to be around.

Sometimes as parents we need reminders. Reminders of not just what an awesome person your child is, but reminders of what an awesome person your child is becoming. Oh sure, we know they are, but it’s kind of like the crystal bowl that sits on our dining table. I know it’s beautiful, but it’s there 24/7. I’ll either walk right by without paying much attention, or I’ll complain about how dusty it is. However, when I take the time to pay attention, I’m always blown away by how gorgeous it really is.

So that brings us to the beauty that is Sky Ranch.

Sky Ranch took my child, showed her the time of her life and helped her mature in her faith. Then they gave her back to me and refreshed my awareness of what a gorgeous young lady my daughter really is... on the inside as well as on the outside!

Thank you Sky Ranch.

Me No Writing...

I noticed today that it has been over a month since my last posting. While I’m not known for posting very often, I do usually put something online at least two to three times a month. However, in my defense, this end of year at school has been a pretty hectic end of year. I don’t know what exactly it is that has made this year all that much more difficult.

Thinking back I can only find a few things that stand out as stressful:

#1. Half of the teachers on my grade level have left teaching, at least for a while, to take care of family.

#2. My class had a particularly hard time with some of the TAKS test concepts. This always seems to make the end of the year, the time when our scores come back, a nail-biter. (However, all my students passed everything!)

#3. Some of the parents of students on my grade level, not of my students mind you, made it their mission to make things hard for the entire school. I guess this is a “Trickle Down Stress” kind of thing.

Call it stress, call it anxiety, call it laziness, call it whatever you will, but I haven’t been in much of a mood to write. This is my first full week off, and my hope is that not only will my desire to write be renewed, but I will also have new fun experiences of which to write about.

Take for instance my resolution to begin working out the first Monday after school was out. That was this last Monday and I did begin working out. My plan is to work out Monday through Friday for 45 minutes to an hour. It’s Wednesday and so far I’ve worked out every morning. I feel pretty good, even though I can barely move in any direction without experiencing severe, sharp pain.

Yesterday, I was at Walmart and this guy asked me to help him put this huge box into his SUV. Without thinking I just grabbed one end of the box and hoisted it off the ground. Luckily for me something akin to adrenaline must have kicked in. I'm standing there holding this box with what feels like a baby elephant inside with burning pain shooting all through my body, but I didn’t drop the box. I’ll keep you posted on my progress and pain.

All that to say, yes, I am still alive and I hope to be writing more soon.

Hugh