Dirk the Jerk

My wife asked me why all my stories and poems had to be so dark and violent. I really wasn’t even aware that they all seemed to be flowing in that direction. So I set out to change things…and the result was 'Dirk the Jerk.'

Dirk the Jerk

There’s a boy at my school and his name is Dirk,
And there’s a good reason his name rhymes with jerk

Almost every morning, he punches me hard,
And because I’m not skinny, he calls me “Fat Lard”

At recess, it’s kick ball on almost all days,
Dirk goofs up our games in lots of mean ways

One day, he ran over and stole my new ball,
And laughed as he booted it over the wall

Next, Dirk came out early and stole all the bases,
Then stood back and laughed while making mean faces

Lunchtime for the jerk is especially fun,
He poured chocolate milk on my hamburger bun

Sitting down without looking was one big mistake,
Cause stuck to my pants, was the Jerk’s piece of cake

I decided I that would watch out from now on,
That the days of Dirk picking on me were all gone

So the next day, at recess I hid in the trees,
I squatted real low and got down on my knees

I thought, “I’ll watch for Dirk and see where he’s playing
Then far, far from Dirk and his friends I’ll be staying”

You couldn’t miss Dirk as he bolted outside,
I was so very glad I’d decided to hide

At first, I saw just what I thought that I would,
Dirk running around being up to no good

Then suddenly, truth, it became crystal clear,
And of Dirk the jerk, I no longer had fear

I watched Dirk pick on kids and oh, there were many,
But as for Dirk’s friends, well, he didn’t have any

I watched Dirk all recess, though it wasn’t fun,
When it ended, I knew something had to be done

If I didn't have friends, I just might be mean too,
So I gave it some thought and I knew what to do

The very next day, I picked Dirk for my team,
I just smiled as, “NOT HIM!” I heard everyone scream

Dirk played the whole game and we all had a blast,
When the recess bell rang, Dirk came over at last

And he seemed really sad that our fun had to end,
But his smile said it all…cause now Dirk has a friend