Note: I haven’t written in a while, I think
because until now I haven’t needed to write. And maybe that’s a good thing.
It’s been almost 22 years since the accident and closed head
injury that nearly took my life…but things are still popping up.
Since about the summer of 1993 I’ve been having these
“things”, as I call them, and until now they have been a mystery.
I can feel them starting and they’re a strange feeling that
kind of moves over or through me like a wave. It builds in intensity to a peak and then tapers off. They feel like they last for 5 to ten
minutes, but Melissa, who has witnessed more than one, tells me they only last
for about 30 or 40 seconds.
My speech comes out in nonsense words, yet I can tell I'm not making sense. I can feel
myself trying to communicate, I know what I want to say and I can even hear the
correct words in my head, but the words that come out don’t make sense. Not even to me. Once I had one while teaching a math lesson and I kept teaching but I felt like I was saying everything twice.
After having these “things” every 3 to 6 months for almost
20 years, going to several doctors and having multiple MRI and EEG tests
without results I had given up hope of ever getting a true diagnosis. I had just gotten used to having them and moving on with the day.
However, I recently had one while eating dinner with Melissa
at home. I felt it coming on and
said, “One of those things is starting.”
She started asking me questions. “Can you count to 10?” “What year is it?” “Who is the President?”
Honestly, I don’t remember if I could answer them.
She’s seen them before, but this one scared her. That’s why I agreed to go to the doctor
AGAIN, but I wasn’t expecting much.
Long story short, Dr. Gerhardt found (after looking at my MRI for about 5 seconds) scarring on the left
side of my brain that he said is causing a discharge. I believe it is an electrical discharge of some kind. I don’t know if it’s like a blackout or a power surge, but I intend to ask Dr. Gerhardt at my next appointment.
The doctor also knew right away that these were
seizures.
It wasn't until he said that it's possible to die from these that I agreed to start taking seizure medication. I'm only doing it for Melissa and Macy.
I don’t like it at all and I believe I’m still in denial.
What I do know is that this is weighing heavily on my mind…thanks
for listening.
Writing this is like therapy for me. I’ll probably write more later.
