We don’t see that anymore, is a phrase I’ve heard two times in the past couple of weeks.
The first time was when I stopped to help a woman in her 80’s put some heavy items into her car at Office Depot. She and her driver, a woman of similar age, were both flabbergasted when from out of the blue a man stopped and helped them load these heavy items into their car. Top that off with the fact that I then opened the car door for the lady and you have dinner conversation at the retirement center for the next month. As I was replying to the thanks I was receiving with, “You’re welcome, it’s my pleasure” and closing the door, the first lady turned to the driver and said, “You don’t see that anymore!”
About a week later, I was at the grocery store when a woman, maybe in her 30’s, dropped her shopping list on the floor. I happened to be walking by as it fell, so I bent down and picked it up for her. It wasn’t even all that big of a deal. All I did was take about 2.5 seconds out of my day to do something for someone else, but that’s when she said it. “You don’t see that anymore!”
It wasn’t until I heard the second woman utter the phrase that I was struck with the thought…why not?
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not the polished gentleman. I tend to put my elbows on the table, eat a bit too fast, and on occasion I’ve been known to laugh at, and yes even make, slightly inappropriate comments. (I stress slightly, because my mom does read this from time to time)
However, when it comes to simply being courteous, I take pride in the fact that I always open doors, both building and car, for my wife or whatever woman I happen to be around. When we're eating, I also do my best to stand when a lady comes to, or gets up from, the table. I don’t always remember, but at least I’m trying.
I am always surprised at and a little disheartened by the number of women for whom this kind of behavior is so out of the ordinary. When and how did simply being a courteous gentleman become a lost art?
There was the time that I was leaving Dillard’s and I held the door for a very tough looking woman who was about to enter through the same door that I was exiting. (A gesture I would do for anyone, man or woman) Flicking her cigarette butt to the sidewalk she said, in a not so pleasant tone, “I can get that myself you know!”
To which I replied, in the very same overly happy tone I used the first time my daughter made poopy in the big potty, “Well, aren’t we a big boy today.”
An angry scowl and a protruding middle finger were my only reward for my quick tongue.
Putting this angry masculine woman aside, I believe that women enjoy being indulged with these small, everyday courtesies. And to tell the truth, it’s just not that hard to do.
So why is it such a lost art?
Gone are the days when door handles were akin to outdoor grills and lawn mowers. Both of which, I’m proud to say, my wife has never had any reason to learn how to use!
As men we should be taking back the door handles! They were our domain, but time and possibly apathy have turned them into common property.
If you’re a man, and I mean a real man, I challenge you to get out there and open some doors and let the ladies go first!
If you do, and it becomes a habit, maybe it will be the end of comments like, “We don’t see that anymore…”
5 comments:
We don't see it any more because nobody teaches it any more. Media, in a multitude of aspects, has portrayed Dad to be stupid, Mom to be one of the kids, and smart-aleckness to be cool. I'm soon to be 65 and still refer to others as "sir" and ma'am", still help when help will be had, still think courtesy just doing to others as you might wish yourself to be treated. It is its own reward and doesn't need to be noted otherwise; but I do say "good for you, Hugh".......
*smile* There's a fascinating discussion of good manners and opening doors over here at an online community for lesbian and bi women: Who opens the door?
Not all masculine looking women will respond the way the one in your story did, but those who do often have strong upbringings by mothers and fathers who taught them their manners.
I checked out the online communities "Who opens the door?" conversation...very interesting.
And I agree that the way the people act has a lot to do with that persons parents, but that's with anyone, male/female, masculine or not.
I think it's a shame that good manners and gentlemanly courtesy are seen as something of a dinosaur these days. My husband doesn't always get the door for me, but then it seems like we're always running around getting the boys herded up, so I'm not worried about it, lol. I do admit to always believing that mowing and running the barbeque grill are exclusively my husband's domain - I don't know how & I really don't want to know. :)
I work with someone who always opens doors for women and helps out whenever he sees a need. He's courteous and polite and he and his wife are raising their children to be the same. Why should it be such a rare thing??
Allowing someone to open the door for you doesn't suggest that you are unable, or diminish your independence - it's just lovely manners! Accept it as such and say "Thank You", for cryin'out loud!
Hey there! This is totally off topic, but I saw an earlier entry about sending your daughter to Waldemar and had some questions. I went there in the 80's and I wondered what it is like now. This might be a strange question, but is there ANY diversity at all?? You can email me through my blog at www.travelintexans.blogspot.com. I'm looking at some other summer camps in that area too, but I'm so torn. Thanks!
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