Dressing Backwards

I’ve been getting dressed on my own now for more than 35 years and I haven’t had any really huge problems. Oh sure, back in my closed head injury, rehabilitation hospital days I couldn’t put my pants on while I was standing up, but that only lasted about a month or two and give me a break…I had just spent a month in a coma!

However, as far as getting my clothes on my body correctly, I’ve never had all that much trouble. Okay, who hasn’t put a t-shirt on backwards by mistake once in a while, but you look in the mirror, see that the design that should be on the back is now facing the front and you turn it around.

Other than that, I just can’t comprehend how a person could accidentally put their clothes on backwards…it’s just too hard to do!

That being said, we were at a birthday party for one of my wife’s aging family members. Other than my wife and my father-in-law, I really didn’t know that many people. One of the people I know (who we’ll call Uncle Guido) was there, which always makes things fun. At times things with Uncle Guido can be a bit kooky and bizarre, but fun all the same. I really like Uncle Guido.

At one point my father-in-law looked around and noticed that Uncle Guido was nowhere to be found and we hadn’t seen him for quite some time. He rode with my father-in-law, so we knew he had to be there somewhere, but he was missing.

After checking the restroom, my father-in-law came back with a puzzled look on his face. “I found Uncle Guido.” He said trying not to laugh. “He was in the restroom and it seems that somehow he’s had his pants on backwards all day.” At which point we all lost it.

The roars of laughter brought several of Uncle Guido’s cousins over, all of whom were quickly informed of his clothing faux pas. By the time Uncle Guido emerged from the restroom, half of the people there knew what had happened and were giving him odd looks. Luckily for Uncle Guido, he’s a bit used to this type of attention and can easily join in the laughter. That’s one of the things I really like about Uncle Guido.

As the laughter slowly died down, I found myself wondering how this could have happened. I mean it’s not like a t-shirt where the only real front/back indicator is the tag. On no, pants have a very definite front and back. You don’t have to look down to know if you’re wearing your pants correctly.

Next, what about the zipper? How do you put your pants on and not know that your zipper isn’t in the front?

As it turns out, after getting to the party, Uncle Guido had gone to the restroom, for what I am forced to assume was the first time that day! He got into the stall, but couldn’t find his zipper! After searching, he somehow found it in the back. He then had to undress and redress right there in the restroom.

My only assumption is that Uncle Guido is somehow able to just step in and pull up his pants with them already zipped and fastened. A possibility that we won’t explore, but would probably be quite funny in it’s own right.

And let’s not forget about the pockets. Uncle Guido was wearing everyday, run-of-the-mill kaki pants. Wouldn’t the inability to put your wallet in one of your now missing back pockets throw up a red flag? Add to that the fact that your front pockets are now almost impossible to get your hands into and you’ve got a garment quandary beyond compare.

For whatever reason, nothing seemed out of the ordinary when Uncle Guido got dressed that morning and he somehow managed to live for more than half the day with his pants turned in the wrong direction.

I suppose there are items of clothing that would be more difficult to accidentally put on backwards, but for the life of me, I can’t think of what they might be.