To Breed Or Not To Breed?

What is it that makes people feel like they need to inquire about the number of children you and your spouse are planning on having? Is it a combination of really bad manners and poor social skills, or is it simply a person’s stupid attempt at making conversation? Either way, for some reason there are people who seem to assume that it’s not only their right to know, but also their right to ask and make it seem like you’re doing something wrong by only having one child or less.

Anyway, in this day and age it seems that having children is something that can no longer be taken for granted. Gone are the days where mobs of children roam wildly through each and every household. However, a mindset that suggests something is dreadfully wrong in your family if you don’t have multiple kids is still alive and well in the United States. At least in my neck of the woods.

There is a couple in our social circle that has four children. It seems that whenever the men from this circle get together inevitably I’ll hear how nice it must be to only have one child. He moans and groans about how hard his life is with so many mouths to feed. While I’m quite sure that his playful ribbing is meant in jest, I can’t help but hear a bit of something in his voice that suggests more. I can’t exactly put my finger on it is that I’m hearing, but it’s there. It’s like a combination of bragging and self-pity.

I’m married with one child. My wife and I enjoy having one child and at this point we don’t plan on having any more. However, I’ve spent time feeling guilty for only having one child and I don’t believe that’s valid guilt…whatever that means. I mean I’m sorry that my wife and I have somehow been able to master the subtle complexities of birth control and you haven’t, but to walk up and assume you know more about our lives than we do and suggest, in your infinite wisdom, that it’s time for us to have another child is, in my mind, completely unacceptable.

Understand I’m not talking about parents or other close family members. These are people who have a vested interest in your life and who may very well have been waiting a long time for grandchildren, nieces, nephews or cousins. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’s possible for family to go too far as well. However, at least in my situation, family is never a problem.

Now, I have enough close friends who are trying to have children, but who are having a hard time getting pregnant, to be very cautious about asking anything having to do with children, just to be safe. (Yes, I realize that only the female half of the couple actually gets pregnant, but work with me here…you know what I mean!) For me, if they don’t offer the information, I don’t ask to know the details…it’s none of my business!

These days, depending on who has made the comment, I’ll start looking around in the sky and slowly moving my hands and arms around and say something like, “You know, there is stuff our there in the world, and some of it is called ‘Your business.’ However, this is none of that kind of stuff.”

Most people get the point, laugh and go about their business. Others make a futile effort to defend their stupidity by applying some kind of idiotic justification for their baby question faux pas. I even had one person tell me that being obedient to God means having multiple children. Come to think of it, I guess he could have been stupid and a polygamist.

So there you have it…Hugh’s gripe session.

What am I hoping you’ll take away from this? I’m not sure.

For all I know I’m the only person in the entire world who dislikes people inquiring about his plans for breeding.

But somehow I think I’m not.